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As of Saturday morning, I am still healthy! I’m still being extra cautious, but my guess is that my previous flu infection is preventing me from getting sick. My roommate is getting over her flu symptoms but she really does have a bad cough.
I want to go running and I can’t decide whether to wait for the rain to stop. I probably won’t.
I was thinking the other day about all the things I’m impatient for, and there are quite a few of them:
-December 22nd, when I fly away home for Christmas
-for my hair to grow so I can leave it down without looking like a TRIANGLE HEAD
-for my police check to go through so I can start volunteering at the children’s hospital
-for my midterms to be over
While these are all worthwhile things to look forward to (ok, maybe not the hair thing), what I am getting at is that it’s important not to wish your life away. I am very happy right now, and having a great time going to school and being with my school friends. It’s really important that I don’t let these “I can’t wait for…” thoughts horn in on just *being*. Being home for 2 weeks at Christmas can’t be the sole object of my daydreams, that’s just absurd. So, I’m making an effort to recognize just how happy I am NOW and to take things one day at a time.
A breathing update: I have a harder time at night these days, but overall I’m breathing quite well. Actually I’m breathing better than I should today for such a wet day. I’d better take advantage! Have a great weekend!
EDIT: I’m SO happy I went running in the rain! It makes being cooped up for the rest of the day actually tolerable.
I have so, so much to be thankful for this weekend. I am one lucky girl! What are YOU giving thanks for? This is my list:
My family: 4 of the most awesome people I will ever meet. My parents, though I’m biased, are the top. They’ve done so much for us kids and I have always felt 100% supported. As for my brother and sister, they are just two cool people who inspire me, make me laugh and of course keep me real.
My education: Everyday I get to learn about what I love. I’m acquiring tools so that one day I’ll be able to contribute to my field. I’m learning to learn and ask questions and nothing makes me happier. I don’t think this should be a luxury, but I know it is a huge one. Thanks professors, thanks university, thanks colleagues and thanks parents.
My health: Aside from the obvious issues, I am healthy, strong and young. So many don’t have this, or have lost this. I am trying to take care of my body and to take advantage of my good health. Carpe diem, yes?
My freedom: I’ve never known anything but to live with my human rights intact. I’ve grown up free when so many children do not. I haven’t known war, and I don’t live in fear of persecution. I know that countless people have fought with their lives for me to have these rights, and I am overcome with gratitude.
I don’t know what else to say. There is so much good in my life, so much to be thankful for. I don’t know why I should be so blessed. Why was I born in the right place, in the right era? I don’t know, but it makes me want to do something REALLY REALLY GOOD. Hopefully soon I’ll know what that is. I take time to appreciate the gifts of life everyday, but this holiday has made me especially pensive, and especially exuberant.
Even if you are not celebrating Thanksgiving this weekend, let me know what you are thankful for!
We are having a Thanksgiving meal at my aunt’s house this afternoon. It will be so nice to have a house full of cousins, and to eat until we’re stuffed and sleepy! My aunt says she’s making pumpkin AND apple pies. I can’t wait.
Many many thanks to Kerri, who designed and created this header for me. I never would have been able to do something like that myself :p. It suits me perfectly, don’t you think?? I specifically asked to have a runner on there, because for the past month, and hopefully for many months (years) to come, running and my breathing have become sort of one integrated factor. I do one so that I can do the other, you know? Run to hopefully breathe better. Breathe better so that I can go running! Expect to hear a lot more about it 
Yesterday, I probably had one of my best runs yet. I decided that I would extend my route by a few kilometers. I’ve been building up to 5 km, and I’d estimate yesterday I did about 7 km. I took it at a very slow and controlled pace, of course, and I was able to get into that “zone” fairly quickly. In the zone, I don’t even think, I just breathe. What made the run extra special is that the SUN was shining, something we have not seen in weeks. The fall colours are at their peak so the side of the river where I run is just on fire. I happened to run past a football game, everything just felt SO Thanksgiving-y. Glorious!!
When I got home, I decided it was time to bite the bullet and do some serious cleaning. I dust my room frequently, but this time I decided to go over every square inch of the place. I moved all my furniture and dusted away and i was surprised at the number of dust bunnies I found. Of course this little activity produced an audible wheeze and inspired some pretty violent coughing fits which weren’t so nice but it really had do be done. I think I clean more than any university student I know, I must have a touch of the Monica Gellar in me.
I didn’t get such a great sleep last night because I was pretty breathless. I guess I could have predicted that one, with the extended run AND the mega cleaning. It’s funny how I’ll often pay for things I’ve done during the day at nighttime. Well, funny and weird and annoying. The asthma beast is like most other monsters, it prefers the dark!
I’ve almost digested my breakfast and my lungs have loosened up considerably so…. it’s time to go running again! I’m trying to decide if I’ll do the long route again or try a different route altogether. We shall see!
It is really difficult to define and describe both the notions of asthma control and severity. I think it’s difficult for patients to articulate what their level of control is, and it’s also difficult for physicians to assess it in their office. In addition, people can be bothered to varying degrees by the symptoms they are experiencing. A new asthmatic will (appropriately) be distressed by mild bronchospasm whereas the most seasoned asthmatics can carry on with severe breathlessness.
There are several guidelines out there which aim to define asthma control in an objective way. Some measure by how many times a bronchodilator is used in a week, or how many ventolin puffers are used per year. Other measures include days of missed school/work, frequency of unscheduled doctor visits/ ER visits, etc. There are all good things to assess, but no one criterion will give the whole picture. Asthmatics are just too darned variable!
I think that most asthmatics have skewed perceptions of how they are doing. We see ourselves as less sick or more in control than we actually are. That’s human nature and that’s how it goes for most things, not just illness. As bad as the bad times are, they can be forgotten when considering the big picture. I’m trying to take an honest look at how my asthma has been recently, just for kicks.
When I saw my doctor last week, I said that things were good, that’s what I would say if I saw him today. When he was asking me his questions, I could tell that he was less than satisfied with my answers.
Despite feeling good overall, I still need my ventolin every day. On some days, I will need it frequently, and if I’m running, you can bet I’ll be using it a lot. Do I wake up at night with asthma symptoms? Yes, especially if I’ve exercised that day, but that doesn’t mean I’m having a “bad night” every night. And YES, my asthma did get out of control last week, to the point where my inhaled medications were not helping and I had to resort to prednisone. BUT the point is that I took the pred early-on-ish and I had my asthma back in control within 2 days (this is a good thing).
I’m not a short-sighted-silly, and I’m not stuck in denial. I know, when I think hard on it, that these are not signs of mild asthma, nor signs of asthma which is particularly well-controlled. I know that your average family doctor wouldn’t be too pleased when presented with the above. But the thing is, I feel like my asthma is good right now, I really do. I’m living a really normal life, doing everything I want to do, and I AM RUNNING. So I’m not fussed about it, I’m in control.
This brings me to my next point: the runnning. I feel great when I run, the adrenaline I get from it is beyond compare and my body is thanking me a thousand times over. But I still get tight, I still cough and I go through a lot of ventolin. As I said above, it also makes my nighttime symptoms a bit worse. The gist I get from people is that they assume that now that I can run, I must not have asthma symptoms any more. I have told a few people that I do in fact feel my asthma get worse in the hours after a run, and their response seems to be then why the heck do it???
Cause I can. Plain and simple. I told myself I could do it, tried it, and realized that I can do it. I seem to have asthma symptoms whether or not I’m physically active, so I might as well take the route that is actually good for my body.
So, all these convoluted ramblings to say that my personal perception of my asthma at this point in time is that it is actually quite good. Also, I love to run.
I did it!!!!! I ran a 5k race without stopping and it was the best feeling in the whole entire world!!!
So I guess prednisone and proper medications + adrenaline = Danielle the running beast
I will admit, I didn’t run this fast of my own accord. The thing was, I had my aunt’s car key in my bra (um, yeah) and she was my ride home and with thousands of people at the run there was no way we could get split up. I told her I was taking this at a slow jog and she said that was fine. Her idea of a slow jog is not the same as mine. She is 56 and probably the fittest person I know. We started off way faster that I have ever run and I remember thinking I was not going to last. But I’m stubborn and not the kind of person to ask others to slow down, so I kept up to her and before I knew it we were at the halfway point. About half a km later I could feel my breathing change, I was starting to trap air. I was using so much energy to blow out my air in quick sharp blasts, to the point of making my abs and ribs sore. I stayed very focused on breathing properly and keeping my upper body relaxed but was still running hard as ever. Pretty soon, I could see the finish line. After that, it was all over, I was just going for it. When I could finally see the numbers on the clock, I was absolutely in shock that there was we were still in the 20 minutes and not in the 40s. I was actually convinced they had set up the clock wrong. I finished strong and fast, and when I crossed the finish line, I walked it out, waiting for the grip on my lungs to tighten, waiting to start gasping.
BUT IT DIDN’T HAPPEN. For the first time in my life after a run I did not feel like my lungs were collapsing upon themselves. I felt just normal. I talked to my aunt all the way back to the car. Can you say adrenaline?? Now I’m showered, I’ve had a massive snack, and I still feel fine. IT’S WEIRD BUT TOTALLY AWESOME.
Is it even possible that yesterday morning I was out of breath from making my breakfast?? How does that even *happen*??????? I called my mom and she doesn’t even believe me, she told me to get out of town.
I know the asthma beast likes to be sneaky and strike hours later sometimes so I’ll take it easy and be vigilant.
The atmosphere at the pre-race was emotional and inspiring and very optimistic. As I said before this is a Canada-wide event raising money for breast cancer. Every time I looked at people’s “I’m running for…” bibs I almost cried. People were decked out in pink cowboy hats, feather boas, neon pink lycra tights, you name it. It was amazing.
GUYS, I am hooked. Can I call myself a runner yet?? I’ve got my eye on the next race…..
As I write this, I’m in my last hours of being 19. You know what? I think this is the birthday I’m most enjoying, or that I’m most excited for. People tell me that I’ve been 24 since I was 10, I was that oddball precocious child for sure.
I actually feel different this birthday. I feel like a real adult, like the world is my oyster and I can do anything I put my mind to. Only I am responsible for what happens to me, and I don’t have to wait around for anyone’s approval or help. It’s a great feeling. I can appreciate my youth and everything I have ahead of me and I can’t wait to go and grab it. It helps that I am content with the path I’m headed on and I feel like I am in the right place.
It just came to me that this roughly marks 10 years of my being diagnosed with asthma. Well I’ve learned a LOT in those ten years. Those ten years of less-than-ideal breathing have helped me grow, I will admit. A lot of life skills come out of having to keep your own medical condition in check.
How’s that for optimism?
I’m honoured to have received the honest scrap award from Kerri!
Now I must write ten honest things about myself. Here goes!
1. I’m a feminist, but not in the men-are-filthy-pigs-that-should-sleep-in-the-doghouse kind of way. It makes me so happy to see women asserting themselves and reaching their full potential.
2. I look way old for my age. I hesitate to go out alone with my dad because people assume we are married. Also, people think I am my brother’s mommy.
3. I recently moved into an appartment after spending a year and a half at my aunt and uncle’s house and I can already say that it was one of the best moves (pardon the pun, haha) I’ve ever made. Suddenly I feel so in control and HAPPY with my life.
4. I would rather swim in a glacier-fed lake than discuss my asthma with people. Maybe that’s why I started this blog: because I find it interesting and worthy of discussion, but I’m uncomfortable with the people I know.
5. I play the accordion and I don’t care who knows it. It’s versatile, it’s everywhere and let’s face it: you can’t play the accordion with a long face 
6. My mom and I act like we are about 1o when we are together. She has a way of bringing out the mischievious part in me.
7. I hate doing my hair. Waste of time. I can’t wait until it grows out and is easier to manage. I’d appreciate it if we were all bald and hair was one less thing to worry about.
8. Though I demand to be treated as an adult, I really like it when people call me “kiddo”. I dunno why, it’s just endearing.
9. I get attached to people quite easily and I’m terrible at goodbyes.
10. I’m breathless more often than I’ll ever let anyone know, including you, though I suppose the cat’s out of the bag now. Also, this pretty much is a re-iteration of #4.
As for tagging, I would have tagged all the same people that Kerri tagged, but if you feel like doing this, by all means do!
Hola! I don’t have a whole lot to say, because I’m feeling really good! I expected the opposite in my first week here. I was flaring my first day here and upped the symbicort and have hardly had a problem since Tuesday. That’s quite something, it’s even been pretty hot, though not oppressively humid. Rock on!
Someone give me some blog food, as Kerri says! I’m outta topics!
Ooooh Update: I’m going for a hike today with my aunt! HA -it’s not the Rocky Mountains, but these hills will do!!
I’ve heard people with chronic health issues say things like “I hate my disease, but given the chance, I don’t know if I’d get rid of it”. So, OK, I get where you’re coming from. I know that hardships help you grow, and make you appreciate life so much more. And I know that living with something like that for a long time can start to define you and become a part of your personality. Yes, yes and yes.
My take on the hypothetical “if you could take it all away…” situation is that my asthma is not the end of the world and I certainly can cope but if my fairy godmother came along, I would say YES! I’m thinking of all the possibilities here. I could get a good night’s sleep every night, I could wake up and feel like an actual human being in the mornings, I could dance and run without having an excuse not to, I wouldn’t have to take (and pay for) so many meds, I could go anywhere without having to run the list of potential triggers through my head. And most of all, there would be none of this life-threatening asthma episode stuff, no more scaring myself and everyone around me. Doesn’t all that seem like a good enough reason?
Of course, I can also appreciate the parts of having asthma that have been good for me. Number 1 is that if I hadn’t known what it’s like, I would never have learned to appreciate being able to run like the wind. Now, when I’m healthy, I’m extra-happy, and my smile shows it. I try to remember everything else about my health that is good, like having full mobility, no muscle or joint pain, no stomach issues, no headaches or neuro problems. Hey, I’m a healthy girl.
The other thing that’s been good, and which I really do appreciate is that I have a pretty good angle on what it’s like to be a patient and that will help me very much in my career. I’ve met a lot of doctors and I know which ones are able to communicate effectively and compassionately and I’m starting to model myself after these people.
So yes, every cloud has a silver lining! But I could still really do without the asthma attacks.
My 2 cents for the day, a little peek into my crazy brain. I’m away for the weekend, have a good one!
I’m breathing much more easily now, hooray for that. This is my last week of work and although I really loved doing research this summer, I’ll be glad to have some time off before school starts. I had a little talk with my supervisor today (who I consider to be brilliant and is a very well-respected researcher) about what I want to do with my career.
I’ve been waffling a bit about that this summer. Because while I’ve wanted to be a doctor for a long long time, I was getting slightly turned off by the arduous admission process and the cost of medical school. I was really intrigued by a career in genetic counselling, which requires an MSc but is a fascinating and quickly growing field. I’m happy to say though, that I am back on track and I’m going full steam ahead for the MD. Deep down I know that I really really want it and I can work hard. The only question is though, because I’m such a sucker for knowledge and because I want to keep my options for research and teaching open, whether I want to do a PhD in conjunction with this. I realize I’m condemned to be a student in perpetuity but if you didn’t notice, it suits me and I like it
My supervisor told me that I should be aiming high and to just go for it. I’m pretty sure those words were what boosted my confidence so much and you can bet I was grinning hard when I came out of his office. A good day! Hopefully I’ll be able to remember this in December when I’m banging my head against the wall and I’m feeling a little depleted.
