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I had some awesome runs with my dad this weekend. I think he might have realized that I didn’t start running because my asthma was cured suddenly, but that I learned to run with my asthma. And I think he was impressed. The first day we went at an easy pace, but on the second day he kept pushing the envelope. Not one to be shown up, I responded. It took me awhile to recover but it really was a good run. It’s nice for someone to push you once in awhile, then you realize that you can do a little more than you thought. Of course, I pushed myself just because he was there too, wanting to appear as the strong one hehehehe.
There were many many wonderful parts of last week, despite the circumstances. Somehow my brain is total mush. Getting back to reality today has been…. odd. But if I just keep swimming everything will be ok.
Hi all, your kindness has been overwhelming. I am very grateful for your messages.
I am in the midst of doing very grown-up things. I suppose it is easier for me as a granddaughter to do these things than it might be for the daughters and sons. I don’t mind, and it makes me feel better somehow.
My dad is landing tomorrow afternoon. I know he is taking this hard and I’m really looking forward to having some time with him, he will stay the whole weekend. (I told him to bring his running shoes because we are definitely going out!)
Hopefully I’ll get some runs in during the week and weekend to clear my mind. I’ll blog and tweet to let you know how it all goes.
Hi all, my grandpa passed away last night in his sleep. It’s funny because I was thinking about him yesterday and I was making plans to see him on Wednesday. Oh, life.
I’m sure this week will be stressful, as these things often are. I’m doing OK and handling it just fine. The silver lining is that my dad will be on his way here within a day or two.
I’m still not breathing well which as you know makes things harder to deal with. I may take a little blogging hiatus, or who knows maybe I’ll feel like I want to post more. In any case, thank you for your understanding. I’ve got a midterm to write momentarily, wish me luck.
It appears I’ve been in the middle of a little midunderstanding….
First, by the way, my next race is in 7 days!! Next Sunday there is a charity race for the regional hospital. I’m pretty excited!! I happily signed up for the 5 km. BUT, today I was at my aunt’s house for dinner and she casually mentioned to my cousin that “Danielle and I are signed up for the 10 km next weekend”. My eyes bulged a bit “P-p-pardon?? I am definitely signed up for the 5 km, I dunno about you…” We laughed at how we were on such different wavelengths, but I get the feeling she’s definitely sticking with her 10 km. So now I have a decision to make.
I know for sure that I can comfortably run 7.2 km. 10 km would not be too much of a stretch for me on a good day. I was thinking that seeing as my lungs haven’t been the best this week and I have been having small issues with my leg, I shouldn’t push it. But then I thought that I hate making excuses and I just want to say YES! to the 10 km. I just want to go and do it. So I kind of think I’m going to.
Is that crazy??
It’s funny because it’s throwing me off psychologically. A 10 km race was a long term goal I had set for myself, something I had planned to possibly do in May with my dad. Now the idea of making it happen NEXT WEEKEND makes it feel all weird. What next? Am I going to have to start training for a half marathon?? Just kidding, I’ll do at least a few 10 kms before stepping it up that much.
SO, I’m going to take a few days to decide because it sounds a bit ludicrous, but I think I’m going to do it. And if I do… my goal will be to run the whole way, no matter how slow.
What would I do if I didn’t have a crazy ball of fire for an aunt??
Well I asked y’all for some blog food (Kerri’s way of saying please give me something to blog about!). She suggested I write specifically on living away from home with asthma. Well it’s something I write about most days in one way or another. I’ve also written a guest post about it at The Asthma Mom, which you can read here. Still, I’ll share some thoughts about it, as I guess I’m becoming the unofficial expert on the subject! Haha just kidding, sort of.
From day to day, I don’t find it too challenging. I’ve outgrown reminders to take my daily meds anyway. There are a few added responsibilities like picking up my prescriptions and getting my own butt to the doctor’s office. All these little things are like brushing my teeth to me, in other words I don’t think twice about them.
There are times when it’s really, really tough. The hardest part of being so far from home is when I feel like I’m approaching That Critical Point. If you’re an asthmatic, you’ll be all too familiar with what I’m referring to: it’s the point when you’ve been severely short of breath for several hours and all of a sudden your chest gets even tighter. A sense of impending doom washes over you and you think you need a little help breathing, but you are just dreading the inevitable cafuffle caused by going to the ER. I always have good intentions, I try to be a star asthmatic, but my reasoning always seems to go out the window in my desperation to have this quietly go away. It’s when I’m reaching this point that I want my mother and I want her now.
It is an unspoken rule between my mom and I that I call her, if I am able, when I get to this point. I tell her I have been feeling very bad for x number of hours and she asks what I think I need to do, do I need the hospital? (I never specifically call her about my breathing unless I’m really feeling nervous about it). I usually waffle around about it, saying maybe, I don’t know, maybe I should, I don’t want to, I don’t know. More often than not, she’ll calmly tell me that it’s OK to go in and that I should just go. The motherly shove is all I need. Or, conversely, sometimes we’ll agree that I’ll try prednisone or see my family doctor first. As you can see, I may be a semi-independent, reasonably intelligent young adult, but I still need my mother to be my brain when I am having an asthma attack. I wish more than anything that I could have her next to me every time I’m feeling like this, but we make do over the phone.
The other side of this is that I know my mom worries about me alot, which is entirely reasonable I’ll admit. It can’t be easy at all to know your child is thousands of miles away, having trouble BREATHING, and may or may not be fully emplying her logic capacities. Amy, do you wish to chime in here? I know she doesn’t like getting those phone calls, but I can tell she really appreciates that I call her to check in before I go to the ER. I think she likes to be able help me brainstorm about what to do.
The second-hardest part of living away from home is the flip side of what I mentioned above: recovering from severe exacerbations. If you don’t have asthma, you probably don’t know that it can take weeks to return to your normal state (whatever the heck that is). Following a severe episode, especially if it has involved a hospital, I have very little energy and even little tasks continue to make me short of breath. At home, my family (I know I’m always talking about my mom but my dad and brother and sister also exist and are wonderful!) are really conscious of this, they don’t expect too much and help me out with the little things, like um, making me breakfast or carrying my bag or what have you. When I’m away in this situation and trying to get back into the swing of things and keep up with the rest of the world, it’s very tough. I just feel so tired helpless and I yearn for the help and understanding my family provides. This type of exhaustion would definitely be enough to make me cry.
I’ve read and re-read this post a couple of times now, and it kind of strikes me how unprepared I sound in it. Am I actually doing this right now?? I don’t sound ready to be taking care of myself whatsoever! Yet, here I am, thousands of miles away from my family just kind of rolling with the asthma attacks as they come (I wish they didn’t). I deal with each one differently, some more responsibly than others. In one week I turn 20 years old, am I taking care of myself like a 20-year-old should? Have I missed some sort of boat on the matter?
I’m honoured to have received the honest scrap award from Kerri!
Now I must write ten honest things about myself. Here goes!
1. I’m a feminist, but not in the men-are-filthy-pigs-that-should-sleep-in-the-doghouse kind of way. It makes me so happy to see women asserting themselves and reaching their full potential.
2. I look way old for my age. I hesitate to go out alone with my dad because people assume we are married. Also, people think I am my brother’s mommy.
3. I recently moved into an appartment after spending a year and a half at my aunt and uncle’s house and I can already say that it was one of the best moves (pardon the pun, haha) I’ve ever made. Suddenly I feel so in control and HAPPY with my life.
4. I would rather swim in a glacier-fed lake than discuss my asthma with people. Maybe that’s why I started this blog: because I find it interesting and worthy of discussion, but I’m uncomfortable with the people I know.
5. I play the accordion and I don’t care who knows it. It’s versatile, it’s everywhere and let’s face it: you can’t play the accordion with a long face 
6. My mom and I act like we are about 1o when we are together. She has a way of bringing out the mischievious part in me.
7. I hate doing my hair. Waste of time. I can’t wait until it grows out and is easier to manage. I’d appreciate it if we were all bald and hair was one less thing to worry about.
8. Though I demand to be treated as an adult, I really like it when people call me “kiddo”. I dunno why, it’s just endearing.
9. I get attached to people quite easily and I’m terrible at goodbyes.
10. I’m breathless more often than I’ll ever let anyone know, including you, though I suppose the cat’s out of the bag now. Also, this pretty much is a re-iteration of #4.
As for tagging, I would have tagged all the same people that Kerri tagged, but if you feel like doing this, by all means do!
It’s an early morning tomorrow to catch my plane back to university town. My dad and brother are coming too and I can’t even tell you how much that helps me. I meet my roomies as soon as I get there and I’m nervous but also excited and optimistic. This summer has been so great.
Asthma-wise, it’s been really sweet. Allergy season hit a little harder than expected but I got through it. I made it four months with only one course of prednisone and NO visits to the ER. Rock on!!
Family-wise, I feel so blessed. People told me I might start to find it harder to come back home for the summers, that my family might start to get on my nerves, but it didn’t happen. My parents are great, they treat me as an adult and respect my decisions yet welcome me back as if nothing has changed. My sister and I had SO many good times together and many giggling fits, many pots of tea. While I was home I watched my brother transform from a smart yet moody and school-despising teen into an interesting, funny and highly innovative young adult. I don’t want to miss what is yet to come, because I know it’ll be good for him.
I’ll miss this place, as I always do. The air is clear and bright and the sky goes on forever. The mountains are there whether you are looking at them out your bedroom window or whether your are out climbing them. The valleys, the rivers, the hills, it’s all home!
I know I’m set up to have a GREAT year. But goodbyes are really really hard.
PS See you on the other side. I don’t know when I will get to update but I will fill you in on the new place!!
Soo, I ended up bringing my mom out for dinner with me, I didn’t feel like driving myself and I thought I might like her there. As far as moms go, she’s pretty cool and my friends didn’t mind so much. And I did manage to smile and converse and be pleasant.
On the car in the way there, I spilled the beans to my mom. As in, I told her honestly how I was feeling. She and I are like a well-oiled asthma machine, she knows when to help me and when to leave me alone with very little communication on my part. I’m lucky. But today I just told her what I actually felt like, which is something I just don’t do in a conversation. I said “I can’t believe how out of breath I am today. Mom, I felt like I had run a marathon after I straightened my hair this morning”. She said she could tell I was bad but had no idea about all the little stuff that goes on. Somehow, although you may not see why, it was a huge deal for me to say that to my mom. I don’t want her to have to think about that, I feel bad when I see I’ve made her feel bad. And I hate the way I sound when I say that kind of stuff, like some pitiable child who thinks they are oh-so-unlucky. I don’t think that. But it was nice to communicate and be honest with my maman today for once. It felt pretty normal at the time.
We had a lovely brunch this morning to celebrate father’s day. My sister made some delicious pancakes. Tonight we are celebrating with family friends: dinner to be followed by jamming.
My dad is my adventure mate. He’s the one I ski down crazy pitches with, discover the mountains with, climb with, canoe with etc etc etc. He’s one heck of a woodsman and fit as any person I know. I love doing these things with him and I try so hard to keep up with him. He tells everyone how strong and fit I am, which is true if you don’t count the lungs. We’ve been having some awesome times so far this summer and I can’t wait for this to resume.
Funnily enough, my dad is not an asthma dad. That’s my fault because I do my best not to show him when I’m sick so that he will still think I’m strong and able to do cool things with him. My mom always does asthma duty and I like it that way. I just hope he doesn’t feel bad about it.
I really hope you are all enjoying your father’s day and giving your fathers appropriate amounts of love and affection.
PS Did I mention my dad rocks out on the electric bass? Yeah!
